I Signed Up to Get Fit—Instead I Found Healing Through Pole Dancing

How a pole, a mirror, and a little bit of sweat changed everything.

Hey y’all,

I’ve been on my hobby hype, trying to find my new ✨thing✨ as I’m moving to a new city soon, so I bought a three-pack of pole dancing lessons to take with my line sister. It’s been…interesting. Let me start by saying that I get extremely frustrated when I’m not immediately good at a sport (our essay writer this week also nods to this—maybe I, too, am an Aquarius stellium). I would consider pole a sport… well, maybe a physical activity, but an active thing to do nonetheless. No one tells you that when you start with pole, the first 2-4 times things will be very unsexy. Like, not cute at all. I could barely hold myself up, let alone scoot up the pole, my twirls looked mechanical, and all of a sudden I had no idea what dancing was. And dancing sensually?

I am almost too embarrassed to go back. But that’s why this week’s story by Brooklyn-based writer Amirah Jones is so inspiring—she keeps on trying. In her essay, she relinquishes control and finds that pole dancing is not just a choreographed moment, but an act of self-trust and an avenue for inner healing. Instead of cowering from the challenge, she revels in the power of the pole and the power it’s giving back to her. Not all healing journeys will be found in obvious places, and overcoming pain happens when you permit yourself to keep going deeper.

Take care,

Anayo Awuzie
EIC of Carefree Mag

The Power of The Pole: Finding Inner Healing Where I Least Expected It

by Amirah Jones

All across social media we see and hear conversations about healing. I’ve grown to respect the fact that embarking on a healing journey is nonlinear. I can’t control it, so I let it do what it do. There isn’t one path or straight flight to healing—a reminder of how beautiful and unique the human experience is. I hold therapy, meditation, journaling, and yoga near and dear to my heart, as I’ve been using some of these practices for close to a decade, others even longer. While they each have been beneficial to my well-being, lifting me up when I’m down and providing a safe space, I’ve recently discovered something else that does the same trick: pole dancing.

I’ve always encouraged myself to try new hobbies as a way to spark creativity. But as an Aquarius stellium¹, I love a good routine. Still, back in January, the week of my 32nd birthday, I decided to switch things up. Between all the new hobbies I wanted to explore, I decided to finally take a pole dancing class—alone—at Elevate YOU Pole & Aerobics, a Black-woman owned studio in New Jersey. Pole dancing is something I had been wanting to try for years. I thought I’d get a fun workout in, maybe a cute video to save for my camera roll. But I had absolutely no idea that after 90 minutes of movement I would unlock something deeper: self-confidence, inner and physical power, and a new relationship with my sensuality.

As Black women in our late 20s and early 30s, we spend a lot of time unlearning outdated beliefs to reconnect with our true selves. The prescribed paths to healing can feel limiting, boxing us in, but movement in its many forms can be a portal to something deeper when you find what works for you.

Wearing a lavender sports bra and black booty shorts (I heard the less clothes the better), I entered a dimly lit room filled with a lot of poles and other women who looked just like me. I felt a sense of ease with a splash of nervousness. “Ho, is you afraid to be sensual?!” The thought flashed through my mind as “Lovely” by Brent Faiyaz played in the background, setting the tone for our pole dancing choreography. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to embrace this part of me that I had never fully acknowledged.

Questions started to come up: Had my sacral chakra been blocked? How in touch was I with movement beyond the gym, casual walks, or sex with men? And how did P-Valley make this look so easy when I’m gripping this pole for dear life?! While the mind plays a crucial role in our healing journey, reconnecting with our inner and outer selves in ways that feel liberating is just as essential.

Back in 2018, I started learning more about our chakras. We have 114 energy centers throughout our body from head to toe, with seven prominent ones located along the spine. The sacral chakra, second from the bottom, is a vibrant orange center of creativity, sensuality, emotions, and sexual energy. I’ve been a creative girly, so that aspect was never in question, but during my first pole dancing class, I realized it was very possible that this chakra was blocked.

Like many, I moved through life believing sensuality and sexuality are synonymous, but they are not. I had spent years solely focusing on one while neglecting the other. Sensuality is rooted in the appreciation and enjoyment of our senses; through it, we find pleasure and comfort. I noticed this in subtle ways during class—the way my hands gripped the pole, the movements of my free hand, and the way I locked eyes with myself in the mirror. Even standing on the balls of my feet, holding certain poses, and also catching the faint smell of my citrusy natural deodorant.

Do you see how sensuality is deeply woven into this experience?

I never ever questioned my sexuality, my ability to be sexual, or my confidence in initiating sex with a fine man, but in that first class, I felt an unfamiliar kind of freedom, one that transcended the physical. I was coming into a different innerstanding from a sensual perspective.

Remember that Aquarius stellium I mentioned? Well, I also have a Capricorn stellium in my birth chart. And if there’s something you should know about Capricorn's placements, it’s that they are persistent, diligent, and highly ambitious. This means I like to get things done right the first time, even when I've never done it before. And that can be a problem when starting something new. I had never touched a pole in my life, yet somehow, I just knew I'd be hitting tricks and poses with ease in my first class. In my mind, I would leave the studio ready to serve up my own version of the “Mercedes Experience” from P-Valley (one of my absolute favorite TV series that needs to come back ASAP). The reality? I found myself getting frustrated that I wasn’t catching on as quickly. While the poles have gear to spin, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Pirouettes, cup grips, and fan kicks were all terms I had never even heard of. Starting something new, whether a hobby or a skill, requires patience and grace. With each spin, grip, and stumble, I’m learning that this is a practice of self-trust, a reclamation of power, and a love letter to my own sensuality.

Have you ever been for a walk and felt the gentle caress of a soft breeze against your skin? I love the way movements let you get your steps in while staying relaxed, taking in the sounds of birds chirping, the sway of the grass, and the warmth of the sun. Or maybe it’s that good ol’ post-workout mirror check, squinting to see if that booty is poking out a little more. The moment I step into the gym, I throw on my playlist. The stairmaster and I have become besties.

Or perhaps it’s making love to your favorite person, bodies intertwining in a rhythm that's not too fast or too slow, moving as if your minds, bodies, and souls are in sync. Whew! *fans self * What a euphoric feeling! I can attest that movement has played a major role in my life, providing joy, connection, and presence, but pole dancing made me open my eyes to the fact that movement goes beyond the expected. It can be a gateway to something so powerful.

I am deeply grateful for the power I’ve reconnected with through pole dancing. Each time I step into class, I feel more in tune with my femininity, my sensuality, and the way I move through life. I’ve also learned to be kinder to myself in every single way. What started as “This should be a fun workout, let’s see how it goes,” has become an unexpected yet essential tool in my healing journey. I’m reminded that self-love, growth, and healing doesn’t follow a straight path. And if that also means less upper body strength training days at the gym then yay! I can only imagine how much more aligned I’ll be feeling—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and sensually—a year from now. The glow up is real.

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Amirah A. Jones is a woman who wears many hats as a storyteller, fashion stylist, poet, and creative entrepreneur rooted between Brooklyn, NY, and Philadelphia, PA. Fearlessly sharing her most vulnerable self and art with the world, she paints her life with vibrant strokes of authenticity, weaving her rich experiences in Black culture through fashion, storytelling, poetry, and creativity. You can find her on Instagram, TikTok, and Substack.

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