Wanna come over to Netflix & Heal? 😏
I might allow this in my DMs
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Hey y’all,
I’m currently sitting in my new apartment listening to Hiatus Kaiyote. There are boxes everywhere, clothes strewn about from trying to find something to wear when I don’t know where anything is for last-minute brunch plans, and and my usually art-filled walls are bare.
Blank canvases are exciting and challenging for me. I absolutely love starting something new. Like my girl Sia said, I love cheap thrills! The opportunity to dive into the unknown and experiment with ideas I’ve never experimented with before is fun. But then I settle in and realize, wait…that thrill? It ain’t so cheap. I actually have to put in effort to build it, to grow it, to sustain it. And usually, that’s when things start slipping to the wayside.
There are a lot of things in my life that require my effort and my attention to make them great. But I like to think of my new apartment as the nucleus for which all these other things I’ll be giving effort to will grow. Therefore, I’m going to put the most effort into making this my carefree oasis. What Ari Lennox say?
“Pop my woo-hah in the sky /
'Cause nobody here to judge my life” - “New Apartment,” Ari Lennox
This Week’s Story
What if that annoying person who has been sliding in your DMs asked you to Netflix & Heal instead of Netflix and Chill? Lowkey, I would have to hear them out! Like I’d wanna know what our healing activities of the night would be (then they send you Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” and you go right back to blocking them). Writer and counselor Kee Ray shares how binge-watching can actually help us cope, scientifically! No more shame for binging yet another season of Love Is Blind.
Take care,
Anayo Awuzie
EIC of Carefree Mag
Netflix & Heal
by Kee Ray
Soothing music, slow breathing, counting to 10. What do these things have in common? Well, if you thought of “ways to relax,” then you're pretty close. These are all relaxation techniques. Still, in the mental health world, these are also very effective techniques for managing anxiety and other difficult changes in one's moods and emotions. As someone who experiences anxiety and mood swings somewhat frequently, finding ways to healthily cope can be a struggle.
My anxiety heightens the most in times when I don’t know what to expect, such as the Covid-19 pandemic. This is a common fear of the unknown and is a root cause for many people with anxiety. In college, I felt anxious about my grades dropping the prior year and returning for the next. Netflix was not a thing yet, but my friends and I had DVD players and loved to binge-watch old movies.
I distinctly remember watching Bring It On on repeat. These movies brought me a sense of ease because they reminded me of a time when things were easier for me. From grade school to high school, I excelled academically and in extracurriculars, including cheerleading, dancing, and majorette. I maintained straight A's, took AP classes, and actively participated in numerous clubs and teams. However, college is where I began to doubt myself. And while watching, I not only could relate to aspects of the movies, but I knew exactly how each would end. Movies like Bring It On reminded me that I am capable of succeeding despite difficult circumstances. In the film, one team struggled financially and didn’t know if they could pay to go to finals, and another team’s routine was stolen leaving them to have to develop an entirely new routine within just two weeks. Despite these challenges, both teams succeeded and reached their goals, both with hard work and dedication, and that’s something that I knew I could always do.
Comfort & Growth
Exploration and trying new things are the keys to finding effective coping skills. As a clinical mental health counselor, this is what I tell those having difficulty dealing with managing maladaptive thoughts and behaviors. In the past, I didn’t realize binge-watching movies was my way of ‘coping’ with my anxiety and irrational thoughts, I just knew that I needed to do something to take away this feeling of uneasiness or I’d continue to spiral.
An effective coping skill relieves discomfort but also doesn't prevent one from adapting, adjusting, or stunting one's personal growth. Anything can be a coping skill, you just have to be willing to try something! You'll know that it's working because you'll feel different afterward. You'll be back at a safe emotion, such as relief, or satisfaction. Dr. Renee Carr, a clinical psychologist, has provided some insight on binge-watching's feel-good effects. She’s mentioned in the article “The Comfort Show: How Binge Watching Can Boost Mental Health,” and states “ ‘When engaged in an activity that’s enjoyable such as binge-watching, your brain produces dopamine. This chemical gives the body a natural, internal reward of pleasure that reinforces continued engagement in that activity. It is the brain’s signal that communicates to the body, ‘This feels good. You should keep doing this!’” (Jackson, 2022).
I talked with a fellow mental health professional, Kay Ray MSC, about good coping skills and she stated that “What makes a coping skill good is that the behavior or action is easily accessible, and is something that can be used repeatedly and consistently, like eating your favorite food!”. Retail therapy and music have always been my safe space to cope, but over time I've noticed that binge-watching has also been incredibly helpful. Other mental health professionals that I've talked to have also acknowledged that intentionally watching a new show or movie, and, even better, a familiar one, can help with managing anxiety and other difficult emotions, whether it's sadness, loneliness, fear, or anger. Kay Ray, MHP, stated “binge-watching can be a great coping skill because it provides healthy escapism. It can provide comfort in times of distress, bring you back to the present, and increase positive thoughts and feelings”.
Many believe that you have to be uncomfortable to grow, but this coping mechanism allows you to experience both comfort and growth. Watching TV in general can be a comforting act, but when combined with intentionality, it can also provide other feelings, such as connectedness, excitement, nostalgia, and reassurance, which is the growth part of coping techniques.
Healing
To heal, you must grow. In the process of applying for new jobs, watching 'my shows' is what kept me from spiraling. I remember becoming so invested in the show's characters and storyline that I barely focused on other things, but not in an unhealthy, or distracted way. My favorites at the time were drama series with plots full of twists and turns such as Pretty Little Liars, Scandal, Once Upon A Time, and How To Get Away With Murder. Instead of becoming anxious waiting for an email, I couldn't wait for my TV shows to come on that evening. This made it easier for me to put in the work during the day, and just relax in the evening.
Binge-watching healthily can also help increase feelings of excitement since it gives you something to look forward to. It also adds something different to your routine, which can alleviate feelings of stagnation or feeling stuck. Those can be difficult feelings and emotions to process, especially while in a depressed mood or anxious, regardless of what one's depression or anxiety stems from. So, intentionally finding a new show on Netflix, Hulu, or any other streaming device can be seen as an act of growth. Avoiding what you're feeling can only help for so long, and is considered a maladaptive behavior in the mental health world, meaning that it is unhealthy. According to well-being-technology expert Dr. Tchiki Davis, “Watching movies is a relatively safe space for experiencing negative emotions, so instead of pushing negative emotions away, use this opportunity to acknowledge your emotions, experience them fully, and practice accepting them. By practicing mindful acceptance of negative emotions, you may be able to build this skill and use it elsewhere in your life” (Davis, 2017).
This same concept applies to anxiety or when you’re having consistent worries about general things. A familiar show can bring a sense of reassurance in that we know how the show will end, we're familiar with the characters and know the storyline. It can remind you that things will be ok, because you've seen this before, have been in this space before, etc. Bonus points if you decide to watch a show that is similar to the situation you're worried about, as it can provide a different perspective or scenario on how things can turn out.
Exploring worst and best-case scenarios is an intervention that I now use for anxious thoughts during counseling, and it has been very effective for me and my clients. This would be using this intervention at home while using less mental work trying to think of a different scenario. For example, if you're struggling with relationship anxiety, watching a movie or television show where there are similar relationship issues such as infidelity, lack of trust, or abandonment, could help provide a different perspective on how the issue could be resolved, minimizing the anxious thoughts that you're having. In the article, 4 Ways You Can Use Netflix To Cultivate Well-being, Dr. Davis implies that this is called practicing reappraisal, and gives an example of how to reappraise a situation by “giving the characters advice for how to feel better, think about what could be learned from the experience, or imagine possible positive outcomes. By reappraising the situation as more positive, people were able to reduce their negative emotions” (Davis, 2017).
We all need ways to cope. Coping mechanisms aren't a cure for mental health issues, but they're there to make things easier. I've provided a list below of some television shows and movies that have been helpful to me during those difficult times when anxiety, depressed mood, and other negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions try to win – hope that they can help you too! Read the list with the thought of “If you have this (sadness) watch this (the show listed). In addition, if you’d like to read more about how binge-watching can be helpful when mentally spiraling, I’ve provided the link to the articles mentioned above.
My Recommendations
Sex & The City: TV Show, Relationship Issues
How to be Single: Movie, Relationship Issues
Law & Order SVU: TV Show, Sadness
Suits: TV Show, Career anxiety, Relationship Issues, Sadness
All American: TV Show, Relationship Issues, Sadness, Loneliness
Jumping the Broom: Movie, Relationship Issues
American Horror Story: TV Show, Sadness
Lifetime Movies: Literally any, but holiday-themed movies for Nostalgia
Beyond the Lights: Movie, Grief, Depression/Sadness
America's Next Top Model: TV Show, Self-Esteem Issues
Just call me Kee; I am a psychotherapist, writer, and overall lover of the arts. A multi-faceted human being: “I listen to more than hip-hop, and you can catch me in the mix of beauty to thrift-shops”. I believe in the creative arts; that they can be used to support healing, and that is my mission – to help each other heal.
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Glad you all are enjoying it!! 😊🥰 thank you all for taking the time to read it 😌