To All The Lovers I Met On Vacation

a missed connection in Medellin

Hey yall,

One of the best parts about traveling is meeting new people. And if you’re single—meeting new lovers. However, when you’re in a new country, most people are looking for a good time and not a long time of commitment past the 3-day bachelor/bachelorette party they’re in town for.

A friend of mine recently met a guy abroad who had her sprung, but as we all know, those moments of lust while traveling are fleeting and happen in a specific time and place. After she left, she asked him how they could continue their relationship but he let her know he wasn’t interested in anything serious. She was devastated, but as we’ll see in this week’s story, having higher expectations for people than they have for you is a recipe for disaster.

This Week’s Story

Adventures Unknown is all about embracing the unknown of being Black and abroad. Writer Ajani Inez is back, and this time with a travel diary on her journey through Colombia with a new…friend 👀 It gets juicy!

Take care,

Anayo Awuzie
EIC of Carefree Mag

P.S. - I’m revealing the cover(s) for Black Women In Bloom TOMORROW! I CANNOT WAIT to show them to you and get your thoughts. I don’t want to spam y’all so I’ll have to figure out if I should send an email (on a Tuesday, I know, crazy) or in a Carefree Mag subscriber note. It will definitely be on Instagram so make sure you’re following us there! So excited!!

Adventures Unknown: A Missed Connection in Medellin

by Ajani Inez

After spending a couple of days in vibrant Medellin, I desired new adventures. The owner of the small hostel I was staying in recommended Familia Verde Eco Hostel in the mountains of San Carlos, Colombia. Coincidentally, I had noticed this same hostel advertised on the locker cabinets when I first arrived.

Excited, I packed and went to the north terminal for my next adventure.

During the seven-hour bus ride, I wondered who I was about to meet. Was my intuition preparing me for a special encounter, or was my loneliness playing tricks on me? I dismissed the thought and arrived at the eco-hostel around 7 pm. The sensation of sinking into a soft, comfortable bed was pure bliss. I unpacked my belongings, settled in before my hostel-mates arrived, and decided to roll up a joint. As I prepared to light it, a figure emerged from the darkness and sat across from me on a small wooden chair. It was too dark to see his features clearly, but my curiosity was piqued. I offered him a puff of my joint. I was curious to know if he was the person in my thoughts on the bus. 

The next morning, I took a good look at this mystery guy. Initially, his energy didn't fully resonate with me, but I was intrigued and I wanted to explore further. He was cute, slightly taller than me, and though he had a receding hairline, it wasn't a dealbreaker.

He had that adventurous aura—right up my alley. Over the next few days, I learned he was French and a Scorpio. As a Virgo with a Scorpio moon, I have a soft spot for water signs in general. I found out that the owner of the hostel in Medellin had recommended the eco-hostel to both of us. What a crazy coincidence, or perhaps this was the beginning of a divine orchestration? 

The more time we spent around each other, the more I enjoyed his presence. We flirtatiously interacted in the kitchen while he cooked, and offered me some of his delicious dishes. He was speaking directly to my love language. During another moment while we were alone in the dorm, he played the guitar while I sang along and even showcased some of my rap skills. It was a magical, intimate moment that I didn't want to end. I'm not sure if he had any clue about the way I felt, but I wasn't ready to reveal my budding crush on him just yet.

After a week of being immersed in the beauty of the eco-hostel, I had to make a decision. He casually mentioned that there were hot springs nearby, tucked away in the heart of Colombia. Uncertainty washed over me as I debated whether I should stay put or embrace the unknown alongside him. I mustered the courage to ask him if I could join him on his journey; he responded with a resounding “yes.” And a radiant smile with warmth echoing in his voice along with it.

After the springs, we returned to Medellin, the place where both of our journeys had begun at some point. Here I was, immersed in an adventure beyond my wildest dreams, traveling alongside a charming man I had met during my journey abroad. He understood my needs—anticipating when I required nourishment, personal space, or quality time. This level of attunement continued throughout our journey together, and it deeply resonated with me. Being seen and understood in these ways spoke volumes to my heart. It was a love language of its own, and I was open to receiving it.

I knew he found me attractive, but he wasn’t ready to verbalize it yet. I longed to leap over the table and passionately kiss him, which would inevitably lead us to have sex. I was having vivid fantasies in the recesses of my mind. The two of us traveling across the globe and passionately falling in love, before eventually settling down on a tranquil countryside plot—it felt like a script crafted just for us.

It could all have been so simple, except that we were accompanied by two other female travelers. He was overly friendly with one of the girls, and I couldn't help but think, Why aren't you showering me with attention? Why aren't you making it obvious that you're into me? I started to become suspicious, but I shrugged off the discomfort. We would soon arrive in Medellin and I was eagerly anticipating our arrival; we could finally be alone without the distractions of these other girls as they had their own plans. 

Once back in Medellin, I had his undivided attention again…but one of the girls from the eco-hostel showed up a day later. They ended up going out to dinner, and it was clear she was attracted to him. The next day, he admitted she had tried to initiate something intimate. 

Is he trying to make me jealous? The next night we went out for dinner, and although it was romantic, I needed to know his intentions as I didn't want to waste my time. So, I asked him. His response? He was in an open relationship and already had a "Mexican girlfriend" back in Mexico, but he was open to having more girlfriends from different parts of the world. I kept my chin up, but it was disheartening to learn that there was already someone else. My impulsive fantasies came crashing to a halt...

I knew that if I were on my own, I wouldn't be having such thrilling experiences. Although it was disappointing, I surrendered to the unknown and letting the spirit of adventure guide me. 

The hot springs were even more pituresque than I had imagined—lush greenery, vibrant flowers, and waterfalls peering through the backdrop. It felt like stepping into a romantic paradise. However, the romantic vibes weren't exactly between him and me. I know I shouldn't let myself get caught up in the emotions, but when you sense someone's attraction towards you, even if they don't explicitly express it, it's hard not to crave more. This is my attachment trauma response. I found myself slipping into one of my pouty moods, longing for more attention. 

I wandered down to the steam room nestled below one of the thermal pools to take a moment for prayer. It felt like I was at a sacred sweat lodge. I wasn't content being with someone I had feelings for, someone I desired a deeper connection with, but who wasn't emotionally available. I longed for someone who could be fully present and dedicated to me, alone, especially in such an intimate and breathtaking place. 

I reached out to the universe, earnestly requesting that if he wasn't meant for me, he would be removed from my life, allowing me the space to attract the perfect partner who could meet my needs. Emotions welled up within me as I already sensed his swift departure from my life, and I wanted to cherish these final moments before the inevitable shift.

We embarked on one final journey together here in Colombia, traveling a few hours north from Santa Rosa Cabal to a charming little town called Salento. After a day or so, I told him I wanted us to part ways. I could see the devastation in his eyes. I opened up about my crush, expressing how with each passing day, I yearned to explore the depths of our connection. I no longer felt secure, and I was no longer willing to engage in my old codependent patterns to shield myself from the fact that he wasn't the right fit for me. I chose to operate from a place of empowerment rather than seeking comfort. 

The funny, yet telling, part of it all was his response. He simply said, "I think you're really cool, and I admire how you help people." It was a moment that made me simultaneously want to cry and burst into laughter. Couldn't he take this moment more seriously? I didn’t engage any further and sought comfort in a refreshing shower to wash away the embarrassment. I said my goodbyes. He kindly offered to carry my bags to the bus station and we shared one last embrace before I boarded the bus. 

"I hope to see you again, and maybe you can meet Bridgette," he said.

"No thank you," I replied with a polite smile.

A couple of weeks later, I made my way to Bucaramanga, known as the extreme water sports capital of Colombia. On my way to the hostel, I got lost, so I cut through a church courtyard to reach my destination. And sitting on a lone bench, there he was, smoking a cigarette.

My guard was up. There I was face-to-face with the person I had walked away from weeks before. I could sense his happiness in seeing me again, but I couldn't reciprocate. I waited for him to stand up and at least hug me, but all he could do was look at me and smile. That was okay. I casually mentioned that I needed to find my hostel and continued on my way. I knew he was in the same city as me, and a part of me hoped he would reach out. Maybe I had set my expectations too high. In any case, he never did reach out. 

By the time I departed from Bucaramanga, he had become nothing more than a fleeting fragment of my journey toward healing and self-discovery. 

Coming up next week…

Arriving in Dibulla Colombia, I could sense that something was off right from the moment I set off on the journey to my new home for the next couple of weeks. The whole trip to the new place was filled with complications, inconveniences, and little obstacles here and there leaving me puzzled but still unaware of the forthcoming chaos. It was as if the universe was sending warnings, but I remained oblivious to the messages.

I had hoped for a tranquil retreat after everything I had just experienced. Little did I know that the climax of my journey was about to unfold, leaving me on the edge of heartbreak and aching for resolution. The collision of cultures and emotions was about to plunge me into a whirlwind of desire, secrets, and shattered dreams.

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Ajani Inez is a multidisciplinary healer and guide supporting individuals on their healing journey from the lasting effects of childhood trauma. Through her professions as a tarot reader, Kambo practitioner, and writer, she encourages individuals to recognize and restore healthy physical, mental, emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual factors within themselves.