As A Black Woman Who Left, Germany Taught Me What "Home" Could Be

a life worth living takes intention

Hey y’all,

What. A. Week!

I’m still beaming and on a high from a little announcement I made, nothing major, oh, you know….

Carefree Mag’s first coffee table book is available for preorder! After the news dropped last Monday, I immediately went into “OK, what do I do now?!” mode and didn’t stop to smell the roses (ironic) of what we had actually just done. We are self-publishing a coffee table book that people can support and now preorder! It is a soul-deep body of work, a labor of love, my brainchild absolutely not possible without the many writers and contributors right here from the Carefree crew ❤️

If it wasn’t for my best friend giving me a pep talk so uplifting it would impress the East Compton Clovers, I probably would still be gliding over the magnitude of this moment. This is something 12-year-old me has always wanted to do. She’d be proud, she’d be in awe, she’d realize she was ✨that girl✨ all along. I’ll share more about how it’s going in Friday’s Self-Pub Diaries, but for now, I’m deeply grateful to all who have supported so far! It means the world. For all the Black women in bloom, this one’s for us.

This Week’s Story

I have a sore spot for stories about Black women moving abroad, charting their own path in a new country, and excitedly telling the tale. Maybe it’s because, as I say so often, it is how I began to chart my path in this world. Let’s head over to Berlin to meet this week’s writer, Avalon Pernell, who is discovering the intersectionality of her Black womanhood in a German context.

Take care,

Anayo Awuzie
EIC of Carefree Magazine

Adventures Unknown: Sometimes You Must Leave To Grow

by Avalon Pernell

Nothing prepared me for the blank stares that greeted me when I told my family and friends I was moving back to Europe. 

Are you sure? 

You enjoyed your study abroad that much? 

Why would you want to leave the US?

I tucked these concerns in the deep recesses of my brain, releasing them only as I set foot into Brandenburg Airport. The air felt less heavy in Germany—more open to opportunities and swirling with excitement. 

I felt a weight lift from my shoulders as I arrived in Berlin. In the coming weeks, I would recognize this was what safety felt like. Here I felt free. 

Moving abroad forced me to begin teasing out what it meant to be Black and a woman in the 21st century. For most of my life, I focused on my first identity, the words of my parents echoing in my ears of how I need to be “twice as good to make it half as far.” Life abroad provided an opportunity to learn what it meant to define Blackness outside of this American context. 

This quest led me to research Afro-German identity formation in Berlin. I had previously studied abroad in the city during college; I enjoyed my experience so much that I felt compelled to return. A stroll along the four stations and 22 streets contained in the African quarter of the Berlin-Wedding neighborhood revealed a vibrant community of businesses, restaurants, and creatives trying to make it in Germany’s capital.

From Bantou Village, a local Afro-German-owned restaurant, to Each One Teach One, a community education and empowerment project, the African diaspora remained vibrant in Berlin. Yet, interspersed with the life created by Black-owned businesses and organizations in Berlin’s north district, Wedding, are whispers of Germany’s short, but brutal colonial past.

Photo by Avalon Pernell

I soon realized that like Berlin, caught between its past and present, I was caught between my intersectional identities—Black, but also woman and American. But as I would quickly learn, I did not know how to define myself outside of those boxes. I was not able to fully grasp my experience as a Black woman until I juxtaposed it with my time in Germany. 

From the neighborhood ice cream maker who always greeted me with a smile and a hearty "Eins oder zwei Kugeln Heute?”¹ to impromptu conversations with German grandmothers on the latest Deutsche Bahn² delay. Here, daily conversations recognized my full personhood. Here, I wasn’t defined by education or career path. Instead, I could redefine myself to recognize the “and” instead of only acknowledging the "or." Yes, I could be an ambitious career woman or the neutral peacemaker between parties, but I was also a friend, a listening ear, a creative. Here, I was not required to choose which identities to bring to the table—all were welcome. 

Navigating these intersecting identities in Germany helped me realize that being Black means a universal acknowledgment of what we share. It means the gentle nods of recognition from Black mothers and grandfathers when passing kebab stands and hair shops on the street.

Graffiti-littered walls and stolen glances between my people on a train sharing whole conversations of “Did you see that?” and “I see you" without a word being spoken. It’s the young Black child running up to compliment my coily afro. It’s invitations to share meals where spices and flavors weave effortlessly into the dish, nearly meeting the caliber of your mom’s home cooking in a world now many miles away.  

It’s reminders of the things that bind us together across the diaspora. It’s afternoon laughter shared with your next-door neighbor after a long day’s work. 

Through conversations, I remembered that there is no one correct way to be Black. In 2025, the United States experienced negative net migration, with more people leaving the country than arriving for the first time in 90 years³, and somewhere between 4 and 9 million Americans living abroad. There are no current estimates of how many Black women are part of this movement, but I imagine my experience is not an exception to the rule. 

Still, purchasing a flight didn’t promise an end to the proverbial baggage I carried from college into adulthood. You can’t run away from anxiety or outwork loneliness. According to the National Institute on Minority Health Disparities, African Americans are 20% more likely to face serious psychological distress than their white counterparts⁴. And Black women are half as likely as their white counterparts to seek help and mental health care. 

Photo by Avalon Pernell

Life abroad is not perfect, and living in Germany is not without its problems. There were plenty of days filled with me complaining to my roommate and filling my journal with tear-streaked entries about longing for a genuine community. But hope peeked out its head in laughter, providing tinged conversations with the local baker and late-night conversations with new friends at corner stores. Joy glimmered through shared smiles with neighbors walking their dogs in the morning and joke-filled catch-up sessions with next-door neighbors. And happiness found me with spontaneous candlelit date nights and budding inside jokes among friends. 

These moments were reminders that a life worth living takes intention. It requires grace and a recognition of the times when you should push to conquer fears and the times you should instead stop and rest. This life reminds us that your active participation is necessary for true community building, whether abroad or at home. 

For me, it meant ignoring the chance of failure and signing up for Pilates teacher training. What may seem like an easy choice for others required me to remember that no single career defined me. My existence required acknowledgment of the multitudes. I could be a journalist and a Pilates instructor and perhaps in the future, more. 

An abundant life means recognizing your “no” is just as impactful as your “yes.” Often we adopt several roles to ease the lives of others: superwoman, peacekeeper, homemaker. These roles can sometimes mislead us into believing that we must always be hemmed into these identities to provide value to those around us. But actively choosing to hang up the superwoman cape and quit mythologizing sacrifice can allow you to retake control of your narrative. You are more than what you can offer others. 

Your next step may require you to recognize how you can transform your life by choosing to ignore the peanut gallery and trust your intuition to carve out the best path for yourself.

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Avalon Pernell is a journalist based in Berlin. As the recipient of a Fulbright Young Journalist grant, she spent the ‘23-’24 academic year researching Black and Brown founders charting success in Berlin’s startup scene studying the sometimes unconventional ways Berlin’s minority communities fund their ideas. She graduated from Washington and Lee University with journalism and German degrees.

1

One or two scoops today?

2. Germany’s national rail operator

3. Data from Brookings Institution

4. From the study: Serious Psychological Distress Among African Americans: Findings from the National Survey of American Life