Have you heard of "agape" love?

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Hey yall,

You know those weeks when everything you need to do comes a head… all in the same week? I’m talking about your taxes aren’t done, you have a presentation you need to complete for work tomorrow, you were supposed to get a friend a birthday gift for her birthday that is TODAY, you still need to file that lawsuit against your landlord, you need to edit an essay AND a video, your fridge is empty, you’ve only taken 283 steps all day, you have 11 customer service calls you have to make before the places close by 5pm, and you have a hair appointment tomorrow so it’s inevitably wash day?

Chile 😭 my life this past week in a nutshell. Who else can relate?

anaykashe

A post shared by @anaykashe

This Week’s Story

I first heard the term “agape love” when I was in Napa with my boyfriend last year. We were playing a game called “hot takes” where we share our hottest takes and then debate them. We were debating some sort of gender roles topic and how the Black online community was constantly at odds when the term came up. “It’s a love that is sacrificial,” he was saying. The way he explained it piqued my interest and I began asking everyone if they had heard of it.

Take care,

Anayo Awuzie
EIC of Carefree Mag

P.S. - I started a YouTube channel! I only have one video and I just threw this random one up there while I learn how the hell to edit on Davinci Resolve. I’m mildly embarrassed, but if you’re interested in watching videos about a 30-something Black woman navigating life, with a bit of Carefree video essays sprinkled in, feel free to subscribe! I’d love to see y’all over there :)

Reimagining Love: How Raising My Goddaughter Taught Me The Importance of Agape Love

by Cynthia L. Dorsey

It was July 4, 2010. A lot was going on in my life. 

I had recently finished graduate school and began the journey towards living in my purpose. I began birthing the idea of starting a production company with my best friend which we were both excited about. On the outside, life looked great. However, internally, I was struggling. I was silently navigating my first real romantic relationship, an abusive one. My self-love was depleted and outside of my mother’s love, I didn’t believe in love at all. I was even questioning God’s love for me. Little did I know that I was about to embark upon a journey that would catapult me into the understanding of the highest form of love; what I had to give and what I would receive.

 A few months prior, a young woman I grew up with in church told me she was pregnant and asked if I would be her child’s godmother. “I watched you grow up in church and do a lot of great things,” she shared. “I want my daughter to have someone like you in her life.” Her sentiments touched me. I was goal-oriented, but I also really cared about how others perceived me. My understanding of the role of a godparent at the time was based on my Christian upbringing. I believed a godparent was to support the child’s growth spiritually, bear witness at his or her christening and baptism, and should anything happen to the parents the godparent would step up to raise the child. 

I had a great example of what a godmother could be and I looked to that as a referencing point. My godmother supported my spiritual and personal growth and made sure I had the best Easter outfits. In undergrad, my friend asked me to be her son’s godmother, so I already had one godchild in my “charge.” The role wasn’t too demanding; I babysat him a couple of times and bought him things. But I moved to another city after graduating, so, I became a long-distance godmother. The whole godparenting thing was easy and fun, so I agreed to be a godmother again. 

I knew my goddaughter’s mother would be giving birth any day, but still, I hopped the train to NYC for the 4^th of July to hang out with friends. As I sat on a bench in Brooklyn Heights facing the East River, my internal struggles of self-doubt and questions of worthiness flooded my face with tears. It was hot as hell that day and I was miserable and broken and blamed myself for my malaise. I was disappointed in myself for tolerating anything less than the love I so willingly gave to others. I allowed another human to get me to a place where I was in a mental warfare with myself. That's not what love is supposed to feel like. 

Around 8:30 PM, I got a text that read: “She’s here! 7 pounds 12 ounces.” The fireworks started right as I was reading the message. I looked up and smiled. Little did I know that this little human would soon change my whole life.

Two days later, when I returned from NYC, my mother and I drove to my goddaughter, Jordyn Sierra’s, house. She was tiny, alert, and exuded light. Her eyes reminded me of stained glass; hazel colored with remnants of greyish-blue tones. She was perfect. I, of course, bought her the customary baby things and even hosted a baby shower. Good low-stakes God Mommy activities. However, the occasional babysitting quickly became picking her up to spend the night every weekend—sometimes for weeks at a time.

At the time her mother, a high school dropout, was the single custodial mom of two additional children who was trying to navigate life on her own terms and seeking programmatic assistance to best support her and her family’s needs. She went on to get her diploma and start cosmetology school. I had become connected to Jordyn. She became a part of me and I of her. Whatever she needed, I would go out of my way to provide. 

At the end of her 2nd-grade year, a major shift in both of our lives happened. I visited her in her classroom at school because she had been struggling and I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help. After leaving her school, I pitched to her mother the potential of Jordyn transferring to the school where I was currently working. I hoped that she’d get the educational support she needed to help her continued growth. Her mother agreed, registered her for the school, and signed paperwork granting me educational rights for Jordyn moving forward. Jordyn was excited to start a new school. My home was already a place she called home. "I have two houses" she'd often tell people. 

At the start of 3^rd grade Jordyn moved in with me full-time and began going to the school where I taught. The part-time God Mommy had to change space and become the God Mommy who was now an active parental figure in a child’s life. I was no longer just responsible for her weekend jaunts but her socio-emotional and educational growth as well. The ease and fun of the godparent role became challenging. I was single, with no kids of my own, and had a dream of living bicoastally as a director and writer. This wasn’t the example of godparenting I had. Additionally, I had to bear judgment and ridicule from those who thought I would be unable to balance my life and Jordyn’s. What had I gotten myself into? There was no rule book, biblical or otherwise, to help us navigate this chapter of our lives. Why would I put my life on hold to help raise a child that wasn’t mine?

The answer to the Why? Agape love. 

Agape love, found in the New Testament of the Bible, is the highest form of love.

Even though I grew up in church and my parents actively taught my brother and me Biblical stories and scriptures, I wasn't actively taught about the term “agape love” until I went to college and took a course called, “The Bible As Literature.” In adulthood, I began reflecting on how agape love has shown up in my life. My parents are exemplars of agape love in human form. Not just how they love me unwaveringly, but how they’ve loved and poured into the lives of children within our community. My Dad was a social worker who was Director of Youth Services in the DC area and my Mom was an educator and Director of Youth Activities at our church. Though they never unpacked the term agape love with me they showed it in action every day, and I attribute how I love today to their lived example.

A Biblical example of agape love is God’s love for humanity so much so that he would send his only son to save humanity from itself. Whether one is a believer or not, we have all experienced love in some way. The love I have for Jordyn Sierra is immeasurable. When she’s hurt, I hurt. When something is wrong with her, I can feel it. When there is something she needs, I will go to great lengths to make sure she has it. And if I can’t, I will outsource to find a solution. I will fight for the sake of her betterment. I love her more than self-want or human validation. Her well-being, safety, and success are a priority. I pray for her daily and have hopes and dreams that she grows into a well-rounded individual. I believe agape love, much like grace, is God dwelling inside of me. It is my responsibility to gift that love back to the world. 

Jordyn lived with me for two years as she finished elementary school and then moved back in with her mother for middle school. She was stronger in reading and math, and had begun to utilize the tools to manage her socio-emotional needs independently. Jordyn showed me the importance of loving another human being beyond myself. Being her godmother pushed me to be a better communicator because if I don’t want her to ever suffer in silence, neither should I. If I am telling her to advocate for herself, so should I.

Being Jordyn’s godmother is evidence that the role of the godparent is not the same for everyone and has made me look deeper into the needs of my other godchildren individually. Most importantly, being Jordyn’s godmother has given me the room to live and breathe with an agape heart and mind. Which is a healing and powerful place to be. Being a godmother overall has led me to become a woman who is wise, intentional, reflective, loves who she is, and is looking forward to who she is becoming. 

I am forever grateful for the opportunity to be called God Mommy.

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Cynthia L. Dorsey, a distinguished multi-disciplinary artist, is dedicated to authentically representing communities of color in stage and film. With a BA from Columbia College Chicago and an MA from Syracuse University, her academic prowess complements over two decades of arts education. Nominated for a Tony Award in Theater Education, Cynthia co-founded SoulFLY Theatre Society, showcasing her acclaimed directorial and production skills. Through her work, she aims to amplify silenced narratives of women of color, championing the transformative power of art. Explore Cynthia's impactful journey at CLDORSEY.COM.